For weeks we have been building up the excitement in our biggest toddler starting nursery; we went to buy the uniform, got the black shoes (which he was very excited about) and started attaching name labels to everything. He was so looking forward to it and every time we walked past the school he would be jumping about telling me that was where his new nursery was. So I thought I had cracked it and was not at all nervous about his first day. I thought he was prepared and all would be fine. Yesterday we woke up and the excitement was still there for both of us. I mean, sure I got a bit teary eyed when I saw him all dressed in his full uniform, but I was ready for it and so was he or so I thought…
The smiles and excitement continued until the second we arrived at his classroom when he suddenly changed from my super confident little boy to this shy little flower who could not move from behind my legs. He has decided that this toddler was not starting nursery. It was honestly devastating. He was just so scared and I hated seeing him like that. I didn’t know even how to make it better as I knew I had to leave really. Its virtually impossible to walk away when your baby is screaming ‘mama don’t leave me’, but what else could I do. If I stayed I feared I would make it worse and turn the whole thing into a bigger issue for the future and so I kissed him and off I went. I managed to wait until I got outside to have a big cry myself. He only stayed for an hour on his first day and when I went to collect him he was totally fine. He had enjoyed his morning and was looking forward to the next day. I had spent the whole hour sick with nerves and worry whilst he was having fun – sometimes I think these little ones create these scenes to ensure that we feel guilty.
This morning I was really worried that he would freak out when we were going back, but no, he just walked in and said ‘bye bye mummy’. One of his little friends started this morning so they were playing together and he had a great time. He is saying he won’t make friends with anyone else except for his current friend, but I am sure once his confidence builds up that will all change. I hope he will be ok as I so want him to be happy at nursery not least because next year he will be off to school.
Its tough letting go of your little people even just a little bit, but I do think it is necessary. They spend so long being at home with you if you don’t go back to work that it must be a big adjustment for them. It certainly feels like one for me. We have lost some of our freedom as for the first time in years we are tied to someone else’s schedule and I only have one little one around each morning. It is odd, but I do also think it is our youngest time to have mummy on his own and so we forge ahead after all time will never stand still and no matter how much I may want them to they won’t stay babies so tomorrow when I feel like having a bit of a cry about him not being there I will put on my big girl panties, slap on a smile and get on with it after all its about what is good for them not me…
